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Rank: Newbie
Joined: 9/8/2009
Posts: 4
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I am pregnant with my 4th, first 2 born vaginally, 3rd via caesarean due to grade 4 placenta praevia. I have also been a doula for 5 years.
As I am now officially a " VBAC mum " and would really love a homebirth, I am finding it incredibly difficult to find a midwife that suits me. My hubby is also struggling that a private midwife is going to cost us $4000. I too am finding the cost a little hard to take as we are a 1 income family. I am beginning to feel really guilty as my hubby has said to me on a few occasions " why should we outlay $4000 when you can go to hospital for free ? "
I know in my self the thought of going to KE to have my baby makes me sick to my stomach. As I work with mainly VBAC mum's, I know the crap thay have to go through to get a decent hospital birth, if there is even such a thing.
So, I have 3 private midwives to choose from, 2 of which were'nt for me. I am meeting the 3rd next week.
I also had a midwife on the CMP who would see me in her private time and take me on as her "friend". She was absolutely lovely and said she would charge what ever we thought her services were worth. Unfortunately today she phoned me and said she could'nt help me as she had been involved with a sad birth outcome last week and needed to stay within her guide lines. Which of course I completely understand.
So, after her chat with me today, I burst into tears and I now feel I should just give in and birth at KE. I have just had enough and I feel really down that my hopes of homebirthing are fleeting. I am also starting to have thoughts of freebirthing and just telling my hubby I will go to KE but not actually make it. This thought is really scaring me as I sooooooooo don't want to freebirth.
Thanks for letting me have a ramble. I would be really interested to find out what you wise women would do if you were in my shoes.
Thanks.
Heather.
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Rank: Advanced Member
Joined: 6/28/2009
Posts: 77
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Oh Heather...
Can I just say, that I know how broken hearted you were after your last birth,and what you both went through.
I KNOW how much this means to you, I know you have pictured labouring in your home and birthing your baby in your own terms with your hubby by your side. And you know that is almost impossible in a hospital setting.
If I were you, since you ask....my emotional welfare would be top priority..and yes $4000 is LOT of money, but the cost you guys if it doesnt go to plan is not a monetry one. I know you know what I am saying.
Cant you do a garage sale? Ebay, do a last minute birth or 2? You really shouldnt resent or feel guilty about the money, if it gets what you want,deserve and are more than capable of. Its just money, and this is your birth...lets think of some fund raising ideas..I'm in!!
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Rank: Advanced Member  Joined: 6/15/2009 Posts: 250
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Ah Heather. That sucks. If it were me, I'd sell my car, re-mortgage the house, or look into a credit card to pay back with the baby bonus. Look after yourself. It's SO important. And I get what lisa's hinting at. And she's wise  Mummy to Connor (07/07) birthed in hospital - my "Inspiration" baby, and Oliver (02/09) Birthed Peacefully at home in water - my "Best poo ever"
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Rank: Newbie
Joined: 9/8/2009
Posts: 4
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Thanks for your replies. I had a giggle at your reply Keira as I can't sell my car as I will have 4 kiddies, 3 of which will be in school, in fact I need to get a bigger car just so we can all fit in. I can't re-mortgage the house as we already have  and I can't get a credit card as we are living from a line of credit. I really do hear what you are both saying and I still get the importance sooooooo much. I just think that I am losing the energy to really care anymore. Pretty sad really but I really am so over it and I have become kind of obsessed by having a homebirth but then every corner I turn I am faced with a brick wall. I will see how Tuesday goes, with my last resort midwife and hopefully she will be perfect for me and we can organize some kind of agreement on the money front. Thanks again Heather
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Rank: Advanced Member Joined: 6/15/2009 Posts: 250
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Where theres a will....theres a way.. and it's not over until you say it is. And I know an amazing finance broker if it comes down to that xx Hope your midwife comes through!! And being one of 5, I TOTALLY get the car thing. Ours broke down for a week in school, and we lived MILES away from school, a 2 hour bus trip with a frazzled mum wasn't much fun. I gave some advice to a friend of mine who's had a similar experience with finding a midwife to support a VBAC an that was just to focus on the beautiful birth, and the rest will take care of itself. Got my fingers crossed for you! Mummy to Connor (07/07) birthed in hospital - my "Inspiration" baby, and Oliver (02/09) Birthed Peacefully at home in water - my "Best poo ever"
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Rank: Newbie
Joined: 7/22/2009
Posts: 6
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Hi Heather Firstly I am totally sympathetic with your predicament, it is really unfair that you are classified high risk. However it is also true that women who have had VB's before the C/S have a much greater success rate for VBAC. I had 2 VBAC's myself and find it incredible that there is so much fuss about them. We used to just call them normal births back then  Options here are limited as you know, but here's what I would consider doing in order of preference: 1. Hire an IM and plan a homebirth (money well spent) 2. go to the NBAC clinic at KE (can always change your mind if it doesn't feel right but they are doing pretty well there) 3. check out other hospitals- some of the smaller units actually have quite good VBAC rates (don't know where you live) 4.Be very clear about your preferences i.e. sign that you decline continuous EFM, induction, ARM etc. and have support people who can help reinforce this (I'm sure you could find some good Doulas  ) 5. Stay at home as long as possible so that when you go in there is less possibility of intervention, shut yourself in the toilet (its less easy for people to disturb you there) You are in a good position to know just what it takes to get what you want/need in the hosp system. Best of luck to you - never doubt that it IS worth pushing for, as Lisa says, the potential cost of not doing so may be much more than money alone. PM me if I can help at all X
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Rank: Advanced Member
Joined: 6/28/2009
Posts: 57
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Heather, I heard on the grapevine that you've met with the last resort midwife (I'm also booked in with her ) and I'm really happy for you :) She's lovely and it feels kind of funny calling her 'last resort' after meeting with her doesn't it, because she really is so nice and I wish I had met her at the start. It would have saved a lot of heartache. I've been in a similar situation. Booked in with one midwife, turned out not to be 'the one', other midwife didn't suit either, booked into KE, and then new midwife came into the picture. Wishing you all the very best for the peaceful empowering birth you are going to have PS.I'm also having a VBAC :) Amanda
Mummy to Sage - 2 years - C-Section Delivery
Planning a Home BIRTH - Due in Autumn 2010!
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Rank: Newbie
Joined: 9/8/2009
Posts: 4
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Hi Amanda.
Thanks for your post and yes I agree with all that you have said. I too heard that you chose the same 'last resort midwife' and it was kind of nice to know that my I wasn't being fussy in regards finding the right one.
I too wish I had met her fist time round, I even phoned her but chose not to meet her as she was the least experienced.
She is really lovely and I felt completely at ease with her and my hubby did also which was great, as he has needed a bit of convincing about the whole homebirth issue.
Thank you soooo much for your lovely words and I really hope that you have beautiful birth.
I also heard that you are hoping for a VBAC and I truly believe that we have both made the best decision to make that possible.
As a doula, I work mainly with VBAC mums and they mostly choose to birth in hospital. From what I have seen and how they were treated, it is not how I want to have my baby. I want to be in control of me and my body and really want calm and NOT constantly disturbed. Yay for staying home!!!!!!
Take care.
Heatherxxxxx
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Rank: Advanced Member
Joined: 6/28/2009
Posts: 57
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Yes a big YAY for saying home  My hubby also needed lots of convincing, and we had a very nasty fight over it, but one meet with Emma and his first words after she left where 'I like her a LOT better than the last one' and then announcing to his best mate 'looks like we are having a homebirth!' A massive weight has lifted. Like you have said, I want calm and support and I want to feel as in control of the situation as possible. I want to get into labour land and I dont think I can do that constantly being disturbed in hospital. I didn't think it was possible to look forward to having a baby this much Amanda
Mummy to Sage - 2 years - C-Section Delivery
Planning a Home BIRTH - Due in Autumn 2010!
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Rank: Advanced Member
Joined: 6/28/2009
Posts: 61
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Just wait until you do birth at home.. you'll want to do it again and again. SO amazing!! Leah - Mumma to T (c-sec) and S (my HBAC!), wife to R. non-vaxxing, cloth nappying, co-sleeping, breastfeeding, baby-wearing, student naturopath.
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Rank: Advanced Member
Joined: 6/28/2009
Posts: 57
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I think thats the only thing I'm afraid of Leah Amanda
Mummy to Sage - 2 years - C-Section Delivery
Planning a Home BIRTH - Due in Autumn 2010!
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